Meghan Markle’s absurd attempt to ‘elevate’ St. Patrick’s Day was tone-deaf, ‘As Ever’. Rather than mark the event with traditional soda farls or wheaten side, the Duchess whipped up a batch of American-style breakfast waffles coloured radioactive-green for the family – because what better way to honor Irish history and culture than with a bottle of food coloring.

For the kids Archie and Lilibet, the Duchess served up what looked like a petri dish of mould, topped with whipped cream for hair, green sugar sprinkles, blueberry eyes, and a kiwi nose (or was it a gaping mouth?). Either way, the final result bore an uncanny resemblance to The Scream by Edvard Munch—which was certainly not the intention.

For herself and Harry, the offering was only marginally less grim: green waffles again but with strawberries and cream, and a green smoothie.

Much like her bacteria-hued waffles, Meghan herself is a tough one to stomach. And it’s not that I want to dislike her—truth be told, I found her recent eight-part Meghan, With Love lifestyle fantasia oddly amusing. But she makes it so hard.

Latching on to a national holiday for a cutesy Instagram post to boost her As Ever lifestyle brand? As my Northern Irish grandmother would say: “Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph – catch yourself on Meghan!”

Apparently she does have distant Celtic roots through her great-great-great grandparents. And of course, St. Patrick’s Day is for everyone—these celebrations are about sharing a culture, not gatekeeping it. But honestly, Meghan, you don’t have to try so hard.

Next time, skip the kale smoothies and just have a pint of Guinness. Keep it simple. Sláinte.